1. You are triggered.
If you had an amount of trauma or stress experiences before COVID-19, I am telling you right now, you’re triggered. Even if you didn’t, some of our existential stuff is coming up. Here’s the thing: if you have had any kind of stress experiences where your system knows how to rev up to keep you safe, it is triggered right now. Not because you have pandemic trauma, but because themes that exist in a pandemic are similar enough to themes in your trauma/stress experiences to get things going. A pandemic creates feelings of uncertainty, unknown, unpredictability…and those on their own are enough to trigger any previous experiences of uncertainty, unknown or unpredictability. Also, for those without any trauma histories, existential concerns related to living, illness, dying and caring about others in our lives who are at risk; as well as concerns for the future and how the world may be changed as a result of all this (and not knowing how we will fit into whatever the “new normal” will look like once all is said and done) – these are big things, and whether we know it or not, our brain is spending energy thinking about them.
The thing about triggers is that they are draining. They cost something. It costs energy for our brain to ruminate about them, working to run scenarios and problem solve every angle. Whether it is deep in the background of my subconscious, or in the foreground as a lay awake at night – it’s there. And it’s exhausting.
2. Focus on Self-Care.
Ok, self-care is not a magic pill that solves all things. But it is a key aspect of how we manage things like anxiety, depression, stress and other conditions. And all of this is on the table right now. Self-care is tricky in the midst of ongoing COVID-19 restrictions and guidelines, as many of the things that we might have once used for self-care are no longer available. My encouragement to you is get creative. Now I know that is easier said than done – when we’re triggered and stressed, the creative centre of our brain has difficulty doing its best work. But it’s a catch-22. If you don’t get creative, the stress will get bigger, and as it gets bigger it’s harder to get creative. At some point we’re going to have to take some risks and try some new things. Here are a few things to consider:
- It doesn’t have to be perfect. For example, you may have loved going to your weekly yoga class with that really awesome teacher. The studio is closed and it’s not an option right now. Trying a yoga app to practice at home isn’t the same…but it’s better than nothing. Close approximations are a great place to start – think of activities you normally do that you miss, and find ways to come close at approximating what they gave you.
- Start somewhere. Don’t wait to find the perfect, best thing. Get going, don’t wait. Try to add in one small thing, try it out for awhile, and grow it into the next thing. Little by little you’ll have a whole bunch of great options.
- Diversify. Don’t let your self-care get caught in being things that back you into a corner. For example, if your self-care looks like jogging, yoga, and walks with friends…what happens when you are sick? Or injured? Self-care needs to have versions that are accessible when you are at your best and at your worst; when you have lots of time or only a little; when you have money to burn or need something cheap/free; and when you are flying solo or have others in tow. Here are a few examples: going for a walk with awesome music or a friend; sitting at home with a cup of tea listening to good tunes; going on a day-long hike; doing a quick bedtime stretch; going for a professional massage; asking your partner to rub your shoulders or laying on a heating pad while diffusing a nice scented oil; sitting and reading a book you’ve been wanting to get to; playing at the park with your family.
- The heart with which we do the things matters more than the things themselves. Self-care is about showing care to yourself. Kind of like any relationship, you can do an action with the intention of function (eg. Doing the dishes to get them done, maybe even a bit resentful that your partner didn’t do them) or with the intention of demonstrating care (eg. Doing the same dishes to help make your partner’s day go a little smoother tomorrow/take something off their plate). Similarly, you can do any of the things listed above with function in mind (eg. I have to go for a walk) or with the intention of showing care (eg. I’d like to get some fresh air and see the mountains).
- Self-care includes Community-Care. I have heard clients get upset with me for talking so much about self-care – especially during COVID-19 when social isolation is so much more extreme. The thing is, showing care to yourself includes being in connection with other people who show care to you. Much like in any other kind of relationship, we want the people we care about to feel cared about in lots of spheres of their lives. Similarly, we need to promote this for ourselves. The challenge with community-care is that it doesn’t just happen in a vacuum. We need to invest in relationships and intentionally grow communities to belong within. Now more than ever we are seeing this need, as well as some creative solutions. A zoom games night, or wine night; meeting in a coffee shop parking lot with lawn chairs for a “physically distanced” meetup; walks with friends; phone calls with those we’ve lost touch with…it all adds up.
3. Be Gentle.
On yourself. On others. Everyone is triggered. Everyone is doing the best they can while triggered. For some, that looks a bit better than others. Where you can, try to let things slide. Try to not take things personally. Try to remember we’re all figuring this out and it sucks.
You might find the following resources helpful:
- This is a blog post I wrote a while back that keeps talking about self-care and managing triggering: https://thrive-life.ca/managing-trauma-triggers-small-steps-toward-safety/
- For First Responders and Front Line Workers, a downloadable and printable pdf workbook on Managing Trauma Triggers. Subscribe to receive the workbook here: https://www.my.thrive-life.ca/BTBP-resources
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