Prospective and adoptive parents have required points of contact with physicians and adoption agencies during their home-study process and post adoptive check ins. These are critical points of contact that provide excellent opportunities for assessing wellness and determining required supports.
The variables of adoption
It is often assumed that individuals and couples choose to adopt due to reasons of infertility. While this is a common reason, there are a variety of other motivators to adopt; religious beliefs, a next step to foster or kinship care, past pregnancy complications, a desire for same sex and single adults to grow a family, or being adopted themselves. It is important not to assume that people who adopt are doing so because of infertility, as each reason for adopting comes with its own unique challenges.
The joys and challenges of adoption
Adoption is an amazing opportunity for families, children and their birth families, to experience care, love and belonging. It can also come with significant challenges that require support.
People exploring adoption often feel overwhelmed by the process, have a difficult time preparing themselves and their larger family for adoption, face unresolved grief and loss from previous experiences of trying to grow a family, making decisions about who they feel capable of parenting, navigating the system, and coping with the rollercoaster of the waiting process.
When an adoption takes place, it is often complicated and involves a number of people who have unique emotional needs; birth families are dealing with letting go, deciding how to stay connected, and making difficult decisions about what is in their child’s best interest. Adoptive families are making adjustments to ensure they are ready for their child and any emotional, physical and behavioural needs they might have. While there is often an assumption that the joys of adoption compensate for or remediate the challenges, adoptive parents can experience Post Adoption Depression Syndrome in a similar way to Postpartum Depression. It can leave families isolated, children at risk, and set the stage for problematic attachment.
The joys and challenges of adoption continue throughout the lifespan. Sibling dynamics, cultural and race differences, developmental factors, bonding and attachment, birth family contact or involvement, grief and loss, and trauma, are but a few of the topics that emerge in families’ adoption stories. It is so important that families have knowledgeable and care-filled support along the continuum of family growth.
Both the highs and the lows are natural and common experiences for those with an adoptive story. Here are some questions to ask to determine if counselling might be helpful:
- Are you feeling overwhelmed by the process of adoption? Does it leave you feeling unable to keep up with the rest of life’s demands?
- Do you feel deep sadness or loss that might be impacting your decisions?
- Do you feel isolated, have unresolved trauma, or feel depressed or anxious?
- Do you feel guilty for being less excited or joyful than you thought you’d be after having adopted your child?
- Do you have enough understanding and supportive people in your life?
- Are you, your family or your child having difficulties adjusting after adoption?
- Does it feel difficult to bond with your child?
- Have birth order or sibling dynamics become concerning?
- Does your child have needs you feel unable to meet?
- Are you struggling with how to connect with your child’s birth family?
- Are you facing questions about race, culture or sexual identity that you feel unable to address effectively?
Offering support
How you can support patients who are on a journey of adoption:
- Assess how families are adjusting and coping
- Ask about symptoms of Post Adoption Depression and Anxiety
- Loss of interest or enjoyment in activities you used to enjoy
- Difficulty with concentrating or making decisions
- Fatigue or loss of energy
- Difficulty sleeping or increased need for sleep
- Significant weight change
- Excessive guilt
- Feelings of powerlessness
- Feelings of worthlessness
- Sense of hopelessness
- Irritability
- Excessive worry or fear, a feeling that something bad is going to happen
- Racing thoughts, irrational thinking
- Suicidal thoughts or ideation
- Connect them with local resources and counselling supports
- AFABC: https://www.bcadoption.com/
- A Home for Every Child: https://www.homeforeverychild.org/
- ThriveLife Counselling & Wellness: https://thrive-life.ca/
- Pacific Post Partum Support Society: http://postpartum.org/
- Encourage them to follow up every 3 months during the first 2 years post adoption
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