It’s the time of year when “deck” the halls can take on a whole new meaning, leaving holes in your proverbial drywall. The anticipated magic and peace of the season can so easily be interrupted by stress and tension. The demands can take a toll on relationships rather than feed and celebrate the connections. Gatherings can feel increasingly complicated with growing expectations from year to year. You might find yourself overwhelmed and wanting to throw your hands up and flee the country last minute just to avoid it all. The underlying dynamics between people become more pronounced, meal plans need to be adapted to accommodate for gluten free, keto, and plant-based diets. Long gone are the days of turkey, stuffing and mashed potatoes. And then there’s the expense factor: gifts become burdensome, shopping for people who have everything, trying to keep up with the latest gadget trends, pulling together baskets of goodies appropriate for clients and colleagues, and even when you think you’ve covered off the whole list, there’s that one event or person you neglected to remember. I won’t even get into the “what should I wear” aspect – that speaks for itself.
The point of this however, isn’t to highlight how painful it can get, but to see it coming and tame the beast before it escapes the cage. I believe in Christmas miracles. You can do this.
Step 1: Don’t avoid it – face it. When the first rumors of holiday plans give rise to anxiety (which can happen as early as Costco puts out their lit trees in August), take that as your cue to set the pace. Decide in advance how many events you can participate in or coordinate before the joy wanes. Write out your limits – either in measurement of time, who you want to spend it with and to what capacity, and how much you feel good about spending (energy and money alike). Communicate with your partner and immediate family what you feel comfortable with and what you’re prepared to do or not do. You don’t need to be everything for everyone, nor do you need to be everywhere. Keep the joy of the season your goal.
Step 2: If you’re travelling to be with friends and family, consider the factors that stress you out most rather than lumping it all together in absolute statements like “I can’t stand going there for the holidays”. Break it down and identify what parts of the experience are particularly stressful. Brainstorm options to make changes to those parts rather than throwing out the baby with the bathwater. Staying in a hotel instead of with the in-laws might be a good consideration, for instance.
Step 3: Focus on the positive. Perspectives are powerful things. Make a list of the things associated with the holidays that you continue to value, find meaningful, joyful, adventurous or peaceful. Pursue those aspects in practical ways. Perhaps even launch a new tradition that build on the things you love about the season.
Step 4: Self care. Spread things out, insert breaks, communicate your needs openly, share the load, and schedule in time to full on relax. Make it part of your plan rather than expecting free time to magically appear in the cracks of the chaotic calendar.
Stick to the basics: Breathe deep, connect with loved ones, gather around a table, sing, dance and laugh until your guts ache. Channel the peace and joy you want the season to hold – the people around you will jointly reap the benefits!
Warm wishes for healthy holidays,
Karen Peters
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