The Dark Side of the Mind
As a clinical counsellor, much of my work involves helping clients to cope with troubling thoughts that seem to dominate their minds. Many of us find ourselves preoccupied with worries about the future (“What if I get fired?”) or negative thoughts about ourselves (“Everybody hates me, I’m such a loser”), our past (“I’m a horrible person for making that mistake”), or life in general (“This is hopeless”). Unsurprisingly, these thoughts are frequently accompanied by symptoms of anxiety and depression. We often try to suppress these thoughts or fight against them with logic and reason, and while this works for some, others may find themselves stuck in an exhausting tug-of-war with their minds. The paradox seems to be: the more we try to suppress a negative thought, the more prevalent the thought becomes.
Psychologist Steven C. Hayes, the founder of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), recognized this paradox and sought to develop a therapy that emphasized acceptance of negative thoughts, rather than disputation. Hayes asserted that negative thoughts are a normal part of the human experience, and psychological suffering is caused by the way we engage with these thoughts (Hayes & Smith, 2005).
The Trouble with Getting “Hooked”
From an ACT perspective, the trouble is something called “cognitive fusion” (Hayes & Smith, 2005; Harris, 2019). This essentially means being “fused with” or “hooked on” your troubling thoughts, to the point that they seem to take over your experience and influence your actions in problematic ways. When we become hooked, our thoughts feel like something that must be obeyed, acted upon, or given credence. We may automatically treat distressing thoughts as facts, or we may perceive them as dangerous. This is not only emotionally painful, but it can also prevent us from living a full life. For example, being hooked on the thought, “Nobody likes me” may lead someone to avoid socializing with others, which can then in turn worsen their sense of isolation.
I invite you to take a moment to reflect on some of the troubling thoughts that have hooked you lately. How have these thoughts influenced your actions? In what ways have these thoughts stood in your way of living the life you want to live?
So What’s the Solution?
If getting hooked has become a problem, then learning to “unhook” can provide relief. In ACT, they call this “cognitive defusion” (Hayes & Smith, 2005; Harris, 2019), which refers to gaining distance from negative thoughts, images, feelings, and urges so that they become less distressing and less powerful. Imagine your thoughts are cars passing by on a busy street as you sit on a nearby bench. The traffic may be loud, chaotic, or scary, and you may find yourself following the paths different cars take. However, with practice, you can learn to simply observe the cars as they pass, without judgment, and then go back to living your life.
Now, is this easier said than done? Absolutely! I often spend several sessions working with clients on cognitive defusion techniques, and it can be a tricky thing to learn. Getting hooked on one’s thoughts is in no way abnormal – it happens to us all from time to time. If it gets to a point that it’s interfering with your life, working with a therapist can be helpful.
Ultimately, the goal is to recognize that thoughts are just thoughts. They are often false, harsh, irrelevant, or even absurd, and this is completely normal. We do not need to evaluate them negatively or positively or follow the stories they tell.
Below are a few examples of ways you can start to unhook from troubling thoughts, so that they lose a bit of their sting.
- “I’m having a thought that…”
This is one of the simplest ways to gain some distance. Insert this phrase in front of distressing thoughts, particularly those that are negative self-judgements. For example, “I’m having the thought that I am a loser” rather than “I am a loser”. - Observe the thought as if it were an object
Imagine the thought floating out of your head, and notice how it manifests visually. Notice its shape, size, and colour. See where it positions itself. Is it in front of or behind your head? How far away?
This exercise demonstrates how we can detach from our thoughts and observe them from a distance. - The mind as a story-telling machine
Try treating your mind as a separate entity. Our minds have evolved to be very good at making comparisons, predicting bad outcomes, and anticipating threats. In a sense, our minds are storytelling machines; they are wired to conjure up a consistent stream of stories, regardless of truth/usefulness.
Next time you notice this happening, acknowledge it by saying, “There’s the story-telling machine at work”. - Buy-in to thoughts
Take a moment to decide whether you are going to buy-in to a troubling thought. After all, merely having a thought does not mean you believe it, agree with it, or endorse it. For example, “I’m having the thought that I’m ugly, but I’m not going to buy-in to it.”
- Thoughts are not causes
Ask yourself, “Is it possible to have this thought AND do x?” You will find the answer is often yes. For example, is it possible to worry “I’m going to panic during this meeting” and still get through it? Certainly! In those moments when thoughts feel like they must be causal, try thinking something while doing the opposite. For example, think to yourself, “I will not be able to carry this cup of water to the table” while proving the thought wrong. - Get off your but’s
Practice replacing the word “but” with the word “and”. This helps to acknowledge both sides of a difficult situation and make room for nuance. For example, “I want to set boundaries at work but there’s so much pressure to work overtime” becomes “I want to set boundaries at work AND there’s so much pressure to work overtime”. This small change helps us to recognize that one idea does not negate the other, and it helps increase the flexibility of our thinking.
A Final Word
Next time you notice yourself getting wrapped up in troubling thoughts, I encourage you to try some of these tips. If you are intrigued by the concept of cognitive defusion, you may wish to work with a therapist who uses ACT in their practice. Don’t be discouraged if you have difficulty unhooking – that is expected. This stuff is hard to master, but can be quite helpful once you get the hang of it.
References
Harris, R. (2019). ACT made simple: An easy-to-read primer on acceptance and commitment therapy (2nd ed.). Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.
Hayes, S. C., & Smith, S. X. (2005). Get out of your mind & into your life: The new acceptance
& commitment therapy (9th ed.). Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.
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