Tomorrow I will be offering the first class in a series on self-care. Preparing for this class has offered me an opportunity to reflect on the value of this practice. My experience working with various clientele over the years has demonstrated to me over and over again that self-care is a very mis-understood and very under-used skill. Our social and cultural messages proclaim values regarding being the best, strongest, fastest, most productive, most accomplished, most successful. But what is the measure of success? Is it your job title? Your annual earnings? The size of your home, or the number of cars you own? Is it having the cleanest house? Or a PhD? Maybe it’s being a scout leader, soccer coach, PTA member, volunteer for the homeless shelter and all the while rocking four inch heels…? Our culture demonstrates a value for tangible success, for the image of perfection. Meanwhile, so many who have attained these things find themselves feeling incomplete, exhausted, and often depressed.
Self-care is the art of putting yourself first. Novel concept, right? Many of you reading this will instantly think, “but that’s selfish,” or “sure, but when will I find the time for THAT?” And this is the inherent problem with our culture driving us toward tangible successes. Our culture lies to us – it tells us that accomplishing all of these things will validate me, will make my life simpler, will make people like me more, etc. To steal a line from Dr. Phil, “how’s that workin’ for you?” My guess is it’s not working well, otherwise you likely wouldn’t be at this site reading this article. So what’s the harm in trying a different approach?
Here’s what I am proposing: consider for a moment how you would treat a child. Think of the way you would soothe a child, the way you would give that child attention, the way you would encourage that child and build them up, and the way you would provide comfort through small but consistent actions. Take some time to write down some of the things you would do for this imaginary child. Why do we do these things for a child? Why do we take them out for ice cream and play with them, why do we stroke their hair and tell them how proud we are of them? We do it because it builds them up to be confident people who feel worthy and are accepting of themselves. This is what many of us lack – perhaps we have lacked this from our own childhoods, or perhaps not, but one way or the other we need to show ourselves that we are worthy by treating ourselves like we are worthy.
Now, for those of you still wrestling with the concept of selfishness, I’ll say this: would you prefer for me to put you first when I am run ragged, over tired, haven’t eaten, and overwhelmed – or would you rather I do what I need to do to keep myself well and then help you when I am most effective? The idea is this: taking care of me let’s me take better care of others. Ultimately, self-care is in actual fact one of the most selfless actions we can take – it allows us to be at our best, making us more available and effective when helping others. Join the grow.change.live.thrive. phenomenon today by taking one step toward self care.
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