One of the hardest things about parenting is the unexpected. There is no parenting manual for the most basic parenting skills and it becomes even more challenging when your child encounters a mental health concern. Current culture has normalized a lot of mental health concerns and one of the most common is anxiety. Anxiety has become a normal within society. It is common to hear “I am feeling so anxious about ….” as we have associated anxiety with nervousness or stress. Chemically, these two are drastically different: stress (particularly eustress) often propels us to action to resolve the stress while anxiety can be debilitating. When anxiety becomes a part of your child’s world that can bring its own challenges. While there is no parenting manual for having a child with a mental health struggle, there are some ways to help normalize your child’s experience and ways in which to support your child around their worries and fears.
1. Make it normal
• Your child probably feels that they are alone within their worries. They may feel that NO ONE else has these feelings or thoughts and that they are alone in their struggle. Talk to your child about their worries. Tell them you have worries too and explain what you do with them (if you don’t do anything with them, start!)
• Give the worry a name and make it silly (preferably not using the name of a known person). Call your worries “Joe” and encourage your child to tell “Joe” to leave them alone. Or buy them a worry eater and have the worry eater “eat” the worries. (here). Once a day sit down with your child and talk about their worries. Write them down and let the worry eater consume them. Both of these externalize your child’s worries and allows them to have power over their feelings.
2. Acknowledge that the fear feels real
Sometimes our fears feel so real that nothing anyone says will make you believe otherwise. This is especially true when your child is tired. Rationalization will not work at this point. Acknowledge that it feels real and that they are scared. Then LISTEN. Let your child tell you what they are feeling and how it is affecting them. You may be surprised by what you hear. Then ask them what would make it better. Maybe it is a hug, cuddle, kisses, a different stuffed animal or a light on. Help them manage their fear in the moment to get them past the high anxiety.
3. Offer coping
When you and your child are in a calm mental space, practice different forms of coping strategies. Learning coping together will build attachment and also create a “tool box” of resources your child can use when they are anxious. A few common coping strategies include: deep breathing, meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, sensory awareness and listening to calming music. Search them on YouTube, find an anxiety app or create your own deep breathing exercise. Learning these activities together will give you another resource to offer your child when they are feeling anxious.
While encountering anxiety in your child can make you feel helpless, coming alongside your child using these strategies will help normalize it and also build a stronger relationship.
About the Author
