“Motherhood (parenthood) is about raising and celebrating the child you have, not the child you thought you would have. It’s about understanding that he is exactly the person he is supposed to be and that if you’re lucky, he just might be the teacher who turns you into the person you are supposed to be.”
Joan Ryan
I unknowingly signed up for April’s Blog not realizing it was Autism Awareness Month. Ten years ago I had to become “too” aware of how autism would impact our family. As a mom of a neurodiverse child and a counselor supporting neurodiverse children and families, I thought I would share pieces of our family’s journey with hopes of highlighting the importance of early intervention, trusting your intuition and embracing community. I am so grateful to also include a little snapshot written by our son Gibson on what it feels like to be in his shoes. He shares about some of his gifts, his challenges and some of things he has overcome.
On May 19, 2010 the Gibson and Hudson Hunt twins came into the world arriving with much anticipation on their brother Payten’s second birthday. Most days felt very overwhelming for both my husband and I. Days were a blur of chaos, fatigue and excitement. As our twins approached age 1, my “mommy senses” and years of early intervention work left me with a gut wrenching sense that Gibson had autism, something a parent neither wants to imagine nor feels prepared for. I doubted my ability to handle and support a child with autism but Gibson was such an easy baby and would take a patient step back awaiting his needs be met while Hudson, the eager and boisterous twin brother got his way. Gibson’s patient nature soon turned into being happy to play for hours on his own with very specific interests – at this time it was “Thomas the Train” (I doubted if the days of “Thomas” would ever come to an end!). He played unusually with the trains and did so in a very repetitive manner. While Hudson cruzed around to be in the action with his older siblings, Gibson had no real interest engaging with his three siblings. As a mom, it was heart wrenching to wonder if Gibson had any real attachment to me. Initially he pointed at things in his environment and then soon began to ignore my requests to interact. Getting Gibson’s attention became more tricky and he lacked a lot of eye contact. In my mind, all the evidence of autism continued to add up. Around 16 months, I shared my concerns with our family doctor who thought I may be overreacting to Gibson’s behavior. As days passed, my instincts became more accurate as Gibson’s need for early intervention to support his language, sensory and social skills became much more obvious. A month later, I insisted on a pediatrician referral from our doctor. My husband and I rode into Vancouver for the appointment in silence, uncertain of our little boy’s future. The pediatrician had enough information to send Gibson for the assessment. The private clinic went about its testing and within a few weeks we got an official diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder for Gibson. Even though I thought I was prepared for it, the words from the psychologist brought overwhelming grief, panic and uncertainty. I felt consumed thinking about Gibson’s future and how his life going forward would be impacted by this diagnosis. At the time of the diagnosis, they didn’t have a well laid out handout nor step by step directions on what a family needed to do to get connected to the right supports. Despite my years of working in early intervention, I was completely overwhelmed and at a loss towards next steps or supports.
Something that stands out as a pivotal turning point in helping me to ground the sense of panic I was experiencing was when our Infant Development Consultant asked me if I wanted to be connected with other moms that had gone through the process of an Autism diagnosis. These moms had been through navigating a diagnosis and helped pave a bit of a path for us, sharing resources, suggested ASD professionals but most importantly offered emotional support and a sense of reassurance in what felt like such a vulnerable time. I needed the sense of community and connection to reassure me we would be okay. I also had to trust my gut and follow my intuition as a parent. It was the support of the other ASD moms’, various professional pillars and most importantly learning to trust my instincts that got me through the most challenging first few years of navigating our autism journey .
Fast forward to today, Gibson is an incredibly compassionate human who is well attached to his mother, father and siblings. He has a passion for reading, academics, friendships and sports. He has persevered when he has wanted to give up, especially in sports where physical things took more practice. Sometimes his rigidity may try to boss him around but we encourage him to remember his values and what is important to him so that rigidity doesn’t limit him. Our ASD journey has taught our family many life lessons around acceptance, hope and resilience. A diagnosis should not limit you, nor define you but rather be there if you require academic, social, emotional or communication and language support. Life is not linear, but rather has bumpy moments.
Written and shared by Gibson:
Having autism has made some things really challenging in my life like talking to people, handling my emotions and my strong sense of smell. Luckily, I have a lot of great gifts that have also come from having autism. If it wasn’t for my mom I wouldn’t be who I am today. I thought I would share what it can feel like to be me and what was and what can still be challenging. One of the biggest challenges are noises and smells. For example, band class isn’t my favorite class this year even though I am really good at learning music and playing an instrument. The band class feels very chaotic and disorganized adding to the noise level for me. Noise levels are the things I’ve been struggling with my entire life. If I’m not enjoying something and it’s really loud for me personally, my senses feel overloaded and it makes me want to curl up into a ball and cry. My intense sense of smell is hard as well. For example, my twin brother usually forgets to brush his teeth ( which is not a good thing) so that leads to bad breath. We play a lot together and when we play to closely my sense of smell picks up on his bad breath. 🙂 It obviously bothers me more than most people. Another one of my challenges is my emotions. If I am having a hard day and one of my siblings starts teasing me it can make me feel like crying. I have been working on managing my emotions since I was little and I am pretty good at holding it together at school but I find it very hard controlling my emotions when someone laughs at me in a mean way or insults me because my values are to be kind and this feels very hurtful. Thankfully, my family members are always there to support me. My eye contact was not very good when I was younger and I wouldn’t look when people were talking to me. Luckily, my mom got me help so now I am very focused when people are talking to me. It is important to mention the things that are a strength of having autism and that’s my academic ability. Even though autism put me through some challenges over the years, it has given me a natural academic ability that not everyone has. Spelling has always been super easy for me. My class always has a pre-test each week before our real test and I might get one or two wrong, but once I know the correct word it stays there in my brain. That’s why I haven’t got a word wrong this year. I have also been gifted mathematically too. Last year, I got the general proficiency award at my old school and there were only 6 out of 86 kids who got this award. Teachers nominate the award to those students who are very good academically, who are well rounded, and who are kind to others. It felt good getting nominated for such an award. I have also been gifted with a very good memory. I can easily remember things like statistics, dates, and multiplication facts.These are some of the things I am gifted at, some of the things I used to struggle with and somethings that continue to challenge me-I think it is very important that the adults in my life know some of these things so that they can best understand and support me- Thanks for reading this, Gibson
If you are reading this and know families affected by ASD or neurodiversity, I encourage you to offer your support, encouragement and use your voice. Fear, uncertainty and shame can have consequences for many families and can often result in delayed diagnosis and/or therapeutic outcomes. If you are reading this and have concerns about the developmental needs of your own child you can reach out to your family doctor, the Infant Development Program or Child Development Program and speak with a professional who can best guide you. My experience as a mother of a neurodiverse child has brought me new perspective, patience and knowledge as a community counselor.
Life can be tiring. Family and community are cornerstones of happiness and purpose. Trust your instincts and take care of yourself. You make a difference.
Helpful Resources:
Infant Development Program https://icdabc.ca › Programs
Center for Child Development Langley https://the-centre.org/
Autism BC: Resource for parents, including a support group: https://www.autismbc.ca/
Autism support network: https://www.autismsupportbc.ca/ Resources for parents, by parents.
Yoga support group for autistics: https://www.autismbc.ca/events/socials-yoga-club/
Navigating the teen years book: https://www.thrivingadolescent.com/
About the Author
